Singing is a weird human phenomenon. It is not talking but it is not screaming. It is deeply connected to the deepest part of the human spirit. It is an action that requires intentionality. Many people have spent years mastering singing and countless people are famous simply for being able to move their voice in a way that is pleasing to the ear. On a personal level, singing was a struggle for me. I remember when I was in high school and I played in numerous bands but never stepped in front of a mic. One day, I sat in front of the piano in my mom’s house and started singing a song I was learning. My mom came in the room after about 10 minutes to tell me that I sounded like I was hurting and that I was “trying to hard” (lol I love her and I probably didn’t sound that great anyways). When I started my job at WFMC I had been hired on to be the Director of Creative Arts and a huge part of that would be “leading” the worship team on Sunday mornings. At that point in my life I had played guitar in front thousands of people and performed as a musician countless times. But to step up and be a “singer” on a regular basis was terrifying to say that least. I sang all the time but never on a consistent basis in front of people. I was so nervous what people would think. I felt so vulnerable. I told everyone in the church that singing wasn’t really my thing but that I could do it. I remember my “try out” Sunday and the moment that I stepped up to the mic and sang Your Love Never Fails by Jesus Culture. I remember the team laughing at me and telling me that I had a great voice. Now every Sunday the halls of WFMC are filled with singing and my voice distinctly rings over our congregation as a leader. I find it funny and I honestly am embarrassed by even writing about my singing because it feels so personal and vulnerable to me. Most of the time if someone compliments my singing I will blush because I don’t have any confidence that I sound very good. It comes from my own personal battle with self confidence and my desire to not be a “rock star.” At a conference for all the FMC pastors in Michigan I had the privilege to help lead a whole fellowship of pastors in worship. We sang a song that I had sang back in college called “Joyful, Joyful.” The song is an old hymn remade by IHOP worship, Charlie Hall, Michael W Smith and so many others. The chorus of this song literally brought me to tears in worship. We sing in jubilation, adoration to a joyful King
I had been so confused by this song when leading it at SAU. As a guitarist I have on many occasions failed to really understand the full meaning behind songs. God would not let me go and he began speaking something into my heart over and over again in prayer. The message was: I AM SINGING AND DANCING OVER YOU!! I ended up listening to this song on repeat for a while (despite its obvious connection to Angels We Have Heard On High. I don’t like christmas music very much if you know me). God over and over again just kept bringing me back to the idea of him SINGING over me. It raised so many questions in my head. Why would God sing? Why would God want to sing? What would he sing? As I looked into the translation of the Zephaniah 3:17 where God says he is “rejoicing” and “singing” over us I learned the deeper meaning behind the passage. The phrase that God would rejoice and sing can be translated to mean “spinning, dancing, and twirling.” I began to imagine God as this celestial ultra middle school boy at winter camp just hopping around and screaming at the top of his lungs. This is a personality trait I never really imagined God would have. I couldn’t make sense of it. One evening my now 3 month old son Elliot was crying. Sometimes when he is crying I sing and rock him. Honestly most of the time it doesn’t work (he likes his momma’s voice better) but this one time I sat with him and sang and he fell asleep right in my arms. God sort of hit on the back of the head and said “Hello!?!… you get it now? I have a reason to rejoice because of you!!” The past couple months have been really hard for me. Becoming a father has been an emotional roller coaster and sometimes I just feel so inadequate. I took some steps for myself to try and reconnect with God and just replenish my spiritual walk. I started meeting with a spiritual director. During my first meeting my director challenged me on my desperate desire for control and my need to not be so hard on myself. After listing off stress after stress, person after person, and problem after problem he looked at me and said “Why do you think you are so powerful?” I know he was right because I try to be the God of my own universe so often. He told me that I am powerless but not helpless because of God’s strength. He challenged me to pray that God would give me the grace to accept myself where I am at. The grace to accept myself where I am at… I never thought it would be so hard. I felt that accepting myself where I am at was a cop out. A way for me to say “Okay God you win… I suck. I don’t trust you. I always fail.” But God clearly spoke “You are mine. I gave everything for you. I am so pleased to call you mine. I am so stoked about you that I am putting on my dancing shoes and singing like a girl at prom because of YOU!!!” God is singing about me. About his redeemed Child. I am the song on his lips that is swimming in his head that he never grows tired of singing and dancing to. Every time I sing now I remember the God who sings of me. That because of Christ I am his masterpiece and am added to the “playlist” entitled “REDEEMED.”
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AuthorMy name is Andrew May. Archives
May 2017
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